in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
