please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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