I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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