Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize