Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
