I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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