Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
