its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am spending my child support on dildos
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
