OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
