He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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