I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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