you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
