your parents love me but you hate me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
