Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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