Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
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So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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