I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
