My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
