if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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