He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
