I'm lost and stupid without you.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
