Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
