my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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