soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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