Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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