Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
