my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
