actually, I'm a sock model
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
