someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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