conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
