she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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