dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize