Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm both gender and math confused
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
