please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
BRING THE BAGELS
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
