I just saw a hot homeless man
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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