don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Someone signed my nipple.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
