Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
