I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This is my gift to your gina
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
