Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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