He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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