You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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