your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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