Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
