I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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