It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
