Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
