I have demons in me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
