1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
