I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
handjob tips. give me some.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
