ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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