One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize