he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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