i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
