So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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