does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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