'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
