winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
