I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
