some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
