Duck Duck Cougar?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
