Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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