i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
