Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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