So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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